It's just that.

- Damien,
  I just wanted to tell you Happy Birthday. I know you don’t want to hear from me so I won’t bug you on here anymore. I am so sorry for all I have done and not done in your life. I wish you would give me another chance. I love you so very much. Please know that. I hope you are well and happy. You can call me
  
  Of course, there is Facebook. Please Damien.
  
  I love you.
  
  Mom
February 24, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Please read this

Damien,
I know you still don’t want anything to do with me but please read this. I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am for all the things that have happened to you in your life because of me. I was a horrible Mother. I don’t know why I did the things I did or made the choices I made. I don’t know if you know this or not so, I’ve decided to tell you now. After the last time you visited me in California, I took an overdose of sleeping pills. I was so upset about the way things were that I just wanted to die. Thank God it didn’t work. I thought I was doing you and Kristen a favor by taking myself out of your lives. What I should have done was take everyone else out of my life and kept you two in it. That would have been the right thing to do. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could go back and change things. I wish you would at least try and see what kind of person I am now. I’m begging your forgiveness. I want you in my life. Damien, PLEASE. I am engaged to a wonderful man and he wants to meet you or at least talk to you and get your approval. That is the kind of man he is. Please Damien. I love you.
April 10, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Hi Damien. I don’t know if you are reading these but I will keep trying. I hope things are going well for you. Your sister seems to be having some trouble growing up. I’m glad you have taken all the right roads and are doing so well in your life. I am very proud of you. Thank goodness you had a wonderful father who did right by you. I am trying to make it up to you now but you won’t let me. Please open your heart or at least your mind to some communication. I am here and will always be here. I love you.
April 24, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Hello Damien,

Hello Damien, I hope you have a great Easter. BTW, I love your profile pic. Whomever took it, did a wonderful job. I love you.
May 8, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Hi there. It is Mother’s Day and I am missing you and your sister more than ever today. We went to the beach today and I was remembering when we went in San Diego. I thought we had fun. Anyway, hope you are well. I love and miss you terribly.
May 29, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Happy Memorial Day!! I am so proud of you and thank you for serving your country and keeping everyone safe. You are a good man.

I hope all is well with you and you are happy. I love you.
June 20, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Hello. Just dropping you a little note to let you know I am still here. Kristen is coming on the 29th. I wish you were coming here too. I think you would enjoy the beaches and the other fun things to do around here. The fishing is awesome. We went out on the boat this weekend and caught several small sharks. 1-3 feet long is all. Still amazing to me!!
June 20, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Anyway, I love you and miss you. Give your Mom a break would ya?
July 4, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Hi there. Happy 4th. Hope you have a good day. If you are lighting fireworks, please be careful. I am enjoying having Kristen here. I wish you were here too. I love you and miss you.
September 2, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Hello again. I’m just letting you know that I am still here. I hope that one day you will respond to me. I just got back from Vegas where Keith and I got married. You would like him. He is a good man. I hope all is well with you. Your sister has gone off the deep end I think. I don’t know what to do. The state or local officials won’t do anything because she is 19. I can only hope she doesn’t end up dead somewhere. Take care of yourself. I love you.
September 12, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
Yes, I am on here again!! I am sure this isn’t even your Facebook page anymore. I will keep trying.

I hope you have a great Birthday today. I hope you have a wonderful day and get all you wanted. I love and miss you.
November 24, 2011
Judy Lynn Williams
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving today. Please take care of yourself and I love you. I’m here and always will be.
January 27
Judy Lynn Williams
Yes, it is me again. I am just letting you know I am still here and I’m not going anywhere. I want you to talk to me, yell, scream….something. You are always on my mind and I will not stop trying. I love you.

I need some place to get my thoughts out and maybe gain a little understanding. Judy was my biological mother. She spent the first years of my life doing drugs and stealing from my father and her wife. She had a tendency of popping back into my life and driving a spike into the hearts of my family just a little deeper each time.

I was convinced that she only wanted to be a mom when it was convenient for her.

I gave her so many chances to be a mom to my sister and i. More than my father thought i should. Each time it hurt me so deeply that i began to pull away from her.

Eventually i told her that i didn’t want her in my life at all. This was just before going to iraq. I couldn’t handle the heart ache any longer and so i completely cut her out.

After i got back she started sending me messages again. For birthdays and some holidays, consistently reminding me that she was out there, waiting for me to let her back into my life.

I didn’t know what to do. It hurt me to keep her away, but i knew it would hurt me more to let her back in. So i kept her away, i never replied to her messages and continued with my life. it build something good for myself and became a good person, i thought.

My dad called me yesterday and told me that Judy took her own life. He didn’t go into specifics and i’m glad of it. There was a note but he didn’t know what it said. I was struck. Completely dumbfounded. I had no idea how to react to the news. This woman who had hurt me so deeply and yet professed to love me so dearly had taken herself out of the proverbial picture.

I felt more numb then, than i ever have before.

I still don’t know how to react.

I found these messages tonight and the grief came flooding into me like the water behind a broken dam. At first it was the overwhelming sense of loss. then i felt angry at myself for not giving the woman who brought me into this world just one more chance. Or even a hundred more chances. For the breath of life she gave me she at least deserved a reply. I felt sad for her husband, who i can only imagine harbors the deepest resentment for me.

I don’t know that she did this because of me and it’s selfish to think so but deep down i know that some part of this can be set upon my shoulders.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

All it means for you is some inconvenience. It could mean the world to someone else.

7:43 pm • 26 May 2012 • 2 notes

i got some really shitty news tonight and somehow this made it a little easier to handle

(Source: youtube.com, via logicrovers)

9:59 pm • 25 May 2012 • 45 notes

(Source: noxxoi, via thingswilllookbetterinthemorning)

9:32 pm • 25 May 2012 • 3,220 notes

Sometimes it’s a black and white kind of day (Taken with instagram)

1:19 pm • 25 May 2012 • 1 note

fyeahsuperheroes:

LMAO!!!!

11:47 pm • 24 May 2012 • 396 notes

4 cups of coffee !!!!!! (Taken with instagram)

10:34 am • 23 May 2012 • 3 notes

i want to do this

(Source: 4gif, via miss-martiniii)

12:30 am • 23 May 2012 • 69 notes

tmarrr asked: jeez Damien, always offending the internet...

i know. i have my finger on the pulse of americas disgruntled, entitled, internet community.

it beats incredibly shallowly.

7:18 pm • 22 May 2012 • 1 note

vospaderinthetardis:

holycrapspackleitlives:

coooode:

brbbowflexing:

Taken with instagram

ATTN: Whoever the fuck

Just because you choose to “honour” someone with a compliment, doesn’t mean they have to be happy with it. Giving someone a compliment doesn’t give you a free pass from any potential negative responses. How someone responds to a compliment is their business and their business only.
Stop being entitled twats.

Oh, man. This is why you’re my favorite ent.
Also, I was always awkward about compliments. It still makes me feel a bit weird, doesn’t matter who gives it.

Not to mention a lot of guys don’t understand that sexualizing my body is NOT A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. No matter who you are, if you say something about my ass, my breasts, or blatantly stare at my body, whatever - if it’s sexual, I’m not going to take it as a compliment, because it’s not fucking flattering. My body isn’t yours and you don’t get to control how I react.

Apparently the only compliment a man can give a woman is how nice he thinks her body looks.

My mistake, i guess i totally missed the whole point of this post.

Let me lay it out for the psudo tumblr social activists.

Lets take this situation on the basest of levels:

You are a girl or guy and a member of a different gender identification tells you that they really like your coat. In that first moment you decide that this person is attractive and you take the compliment as it was meant to be received.

Same situation but the person is ‘ugly’.

How is a compliment from an ‘ugly’ person any less valid than one from someone you think is attractive? Why is that ‘creepy’?

i’m not saying that everyone does it and i’m not saying that all compliments are well places or should be accepted.

but basing your acceptance on the way someone looks is completely absurd.

I’m not sure how you people didn’t understand this.

But then, who doesn’t love being a tumblr social activist who doesn’t actually interact with real people?

7:13 pm • 22 May 2012 • 20 notes

Anonymous asked: what kind of girls do you usually go for?

just one kind. she’s intelligent and down to earth.

6:56 pm • 22 May 2012 • 1 note

Me: I’m super stoked on MIB 3!!

Dumb broad at work: really? Some stupid dumb movie about fake aliens and fake cars with some fake black dude?

Me: … Yeah actually it looks like fun! What would you rather watch?

Dumb broad at work: something that was real like the hurt locker.

Me: … Do you realize who you’re talking to? That movie was probably about as ‘real’ as Men in black.

Dumb broad at work: whatever you don’t know anything about it.

Me: oh you’re right. I’ve never been in the army before.

Me: …

Me: I wish I could punch you.

4:27 pm • 22 May 2012

Taken with instagram

12:23 pm • 22 May 2012 • 20 notes

Cheese burger Mac and cheese with extra bacon and feta + sriracha? Gooby pls (Taken with Instagram at Noodles & Company)

12:13 pm • 22 May 2012

And I’m finally getting my hair back to here it should be. Also righteous (Taken with instagram)

7:59 am • 22 May 2012

Till recently I didn’t realize that not everyone wore tie bars. Also, notice the matching bar/watch/buckle combo. Righteous. (Taken with instagram)

7:58 am • 22 May 2012